When I was in Crested Butte, Colorado this summer, I went into a gallery that had a very beautiful photo of the mountain town of Colorado at night. It looks like the photographer did some HDR photography. (HDR stands for High Dynamic Range imaging. If you want to learn more about that, visit Wikipedia.) This photo was amazing because all of the lights of the town created a beautiful glow in the night sky. The man running the gallery said that the photo was printed on aluminum.

I had never heard of such a thing. But, when I got accepted to be able to do an art show, I thought I just HAD to try it. Printing on aluminum sounded very fun. I ordered the image from Bay Photo. It turned out just a little bit darker than what I had anticipated, but it still looked lovely.

This photo was taken on the edge of Hazard, Nebraska. Hazard boasts a population of 66 people. This photo was taken after the ice storm of 2006. The ice coated everything pretty thickly. You can see here that the rocks by the train tracks were coated over in ice and looked very shiny.

I have a photo in my current exhibit that shows a little square house in a pasture. I lived in the country on a cattle ranch when I was a kid, and there was a house just like this one down the road from where I lived. I loved the look of these tiny houses.

My dad was wonderful with helping me with my exhibit. He helped me hang it, and then we went out to eat. He asked where this particular house was. I told him, then he knew who lived in the house.

The story gets more interesting. If you take a look at that house, you probably think it was abandoned before 1950. However, my dad told me it was the Lundstrom house and that two old bachelors lived there in 1990 when we moved into that area. Isn't that something? These old ranchers were living Amish-like in central Nebraska. The house did not have electricity, and the men got their water from a windmill. Apparently they heated their house with a stove that ran on stove fuel. My dad said they didn't come into town that often, and lived a pretty meager existence.

Anyway, I have always had a special place in my heart for these rustic, little houses.

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Last night I spent time with my missionary friends from Brazil. They are precious people. They also gave me a lot of tea to drink. I decided to sleep at my parents house and came home around midnight. I had NO IDEA it was midnight. The tea made it feel like it was only 10:30.

So, in my wide awake state, I grabbed a book. It was a book written by Steven Arterburn. It said that a woman's greatest fear was abandonment. That is true. I remember one time a guy was emailing me and it just seemed like he would be right there by your side, being your friend. He would say the kindest things, and to be quite honest, I couldn't get that man out of my mind. He said everything a woman wanted to hear. It just seemed like he was offering kindness and loyalty. It was wonderful.

The book also said that a man's greatest fear was of being "bound or tied down." Which, in this modern era where both people typically work, I thought that seemed a bit odd. One time, a guy told me that he wanted to be with someone, because he was so "tired." He explained that if you had someone, there was a division of labor. Which was funny, because in my mind, whenever there is more people in the house, it means more work. I was a housekeeper for three years. More people means more laundry, more picking up, and more responsibility. So, "hooking up" for me just means more work...but it is a good thing, because you will be with a good friend.

The way I look at it, is when a man marries a woman, he gets the following things: a free housekeeper, gets to do the wild monkey dance (aka have "relations" without a big long pursuit on the weekends), and warm meals. The man just has to mow the lawn and take out the trash. He also gets help with the mortgage. The woman gets to do more work. So, the idea of a man being "bound" means he gets a free slave and lover.

I looked at my roommate one day when she was cooking in the kitchen and I said "Would you marry me?" She gave me a "Okay Crazy Lady" look and I thought it was funny. Women are workers. If a man marries a women, he gets things more comfortable.

Maybe my perspective is totally naive. I don't know. It is possible. But when a man commits to a woman and the woman isn't quick to pop out five children, and become a lazy nag...he is living pretty well.
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I posted this on a Christian dating site, and Sheila graciously allowed me to post her response on my blog:

Hi there,

I just had to reply to your post, after years of arguing a bout housekeeping with my husband and me doing it all.. I hired a housekeeper, the way I saw it was this, if I stayed home and cleaned you would have no money, so I work and part of my money is going to pay for a housekeeper unless you would like to share in those duties.

I think many marriages would be much happier if before marriage it was agreed upon that if the lady is working full time then a house keeper is part of the budget.

I was much happier and now my week-ends were spent like his, doing more of what I wanted to do..

Beside you ever notice in the OT, they all had maids!!

Be blessed,

Sheila

My sister, Kimberly and I dressed up for the "Black and White Ball" in Crested Butte, Colorado this summer.

Okay, so I posted a question on my facebook status and the responses were interesting. I found it intriguing what was actually going on in various men's minds. Check it out.


Andrea Kelley is taking an informal poll. Do you think Christian men are passive, or that Christian women are just plain intimidating? Comment on my status with your thoughts.

Erika Epley Thiele
The men are passive....JMHO though! :)

Heather 'Shaw' Riggleman at 1:29pm April 22
You all need to learn the art of flirting and yes men are scardy cats!
Adam Lockwood
Adam Lockwood at 1:33pm April 22
this question frightens me...


Bethany Anderson-Bennett at 2:43pm April 22
both. I know that was not an option but I really think it is both.

Devon Murray at 3:22pm April 22
I think Christian guys are just careful to be respectful and Godly around Christian women. I don't find Christian women intimidating. Maybe a little crazy when they dance in the woods while being filmed. HA! Nice video by the way!

Olivia Roby at 3:36pm April 22
lol@adam. I don't think men are passive but they do need to be more assertive. They fear rejection I am sure, but life's too short not to take a chance!

Sarah Scheimo at 3:47pm April 22
i think its a good mixture of both, and vice versa. there are passive christian women and intimidating christian men. for some reason they seem to find each other in many cases, always their opposite. i think the worst mix is an intimidating woman with a passive man though. for the man, not the woman. lol

Devon Roeder
Devon Roeder at 9:40pm April 22
What about just leaving it in God's hands? Just be friends and let things grow naturally. That is the only way I see anyone marrying their best friend, is that you are actully friends first. Any guy that does hit on a woman is only doing it because of the way she looks. Therefore, if you didn't look that way he would be talking to you. Also, if he is only talking to you because of the way you look, he is only looking for a body. Wait, what was the question?

Andrea Kelley at 11:00pm April 22
Interesting. I think the problem can be both really...the woman can be intimidating, the man can be passive. I think it is often easier for the non-Christian man to ask for a phone number. However, I think sometimes women, especially intelligent women can be intimidating to a man. I noticed that when I went to UNK, that the not-so-bright girl who ... Read Morewas pretty could glean a lot of attention from guys. It is possible that the broader question should be something like this..."Does a man find a woman of integrity really attractive?" Or is, it more about finding the "hot" woman that looks good on his arm. That would depend entirely on the man. If the man has integrity..he will be seeking his own level. If the man does not have integrity, or care about virtue all that much...he will be looking for the "hot" woman that may be intellectually challenged.

David Hof at 1:28am April 23
At the risk of sounding old, I believe age can significantly impact this discussion. What brings people together and keeps them together is more than the physical. It is intimacy, relationship, and common shared beliefs and values. Without an opportunity to explore thoughts and ideas it can be hard to connect. However this is what I believe ... Read Morebrings us together and keeps us together. It seems it takes some time to discover this though. So...for me the question is not about passiveness or intimidation, its about the opportunity to have safe meaningful conversation. I don't think we social young people to value this nearly as much as we should and so it seems often this gets left out.


Alina Oldham at 10:25am April 23
could it be that guys are scared to commit (tough economic times, not enough education, not the right time, just not ready ...) and maybe could the girls be too picky?? :)

Andrea Kelley at 8:29pm April 23
I was just reading an article about the economy. I think men were scared to commit long before AIG was losing more than $27 million dollars every hour...ha. It is an interesting thought though. I bet some girls are too picky. My dad might even lump me in that category..ha. If I am 45 and still holding out for Johnny Depp look-alike...feel free to sit me down and tell it to me straight, okay?

Alina Oldham at 9:00pm April 23
I could tell it to you straight right now ... maybe that will save you 10 years of "searching" :) ... just kidding! how are ya?

Bobby Slaughter at 9:02pm April 23
I think Christian men can lean toward passive. Most don't want to be mistaken upfront for a macho, philandering schmuck. We don't want to approach women in such a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Like, "Hi, there; I know nothing about you other than I like your hair and eyes, so I'm chatting you up in hopes that we can make out in the near future." How deep. I don't know if women perceive it that way, but I think they do.

Perhaps it's that we have a higher respect for women, and it's hard to approach someone we don't know well in any kind of romantic way for fear breaking that plane of respect somehow.

Maybe we just overthink it too much.... Read More

But how are we to differentiate ourselves from the hoards of wolves out there? Does Andrea Kelley want the cute guy to come over and offer to buy her a soda, or would she rather watch him interact with his mother and small group first?

I think some women are spiritually intimidating. Some are intimidating simply because they're physically b

Andrea Kelley at 9:09pm April 23
Alina, your humor is witty as always, and there is probably an element of truth in that. Duly noted :-) I'm good. How are you?

Bobby, you posted it...good job. I was telling Bobby he is a good writer and he needs to show it off.

Andrea Kelley
Andrea Kelley at 9:09pm April 23
Ha, oh yes...I think I need to see him interact with his mother and a small group first...ha. Just kidding.

Rebecca Parish at 10:51pm April 23
I think this is the wrong question. It assumes that there is something wrong with the guy. He is either too passive or too easily intimidated. He can't win. I think you should be asking if women are too aggressive, not too intimidating. And my answer would be "both". I heard one of those relationship gurus on Focus on the Family once saying that ... Read Moremen, in general, use passivity as a defence mechanism to avoid drama. So the question is, how much of the passivity do we bring on by our aggression and drama?

Russ Taylor at 11:56pm April 23
Andrea, I think age becomes a factor. Now that I'm in my 40's I think everyone should be married by 22. While I like to write, I'll borrow some words from Tom Robbins, in his book Skinny Legs and All, p 166, in order to answer your question.

"As for other men, the bachelors she had encountered at clubs and bars and parties (same could be said ... Read Morefor church), well, most appeared to have one thing in common: having been hurt at point A, they insured themselves against being hurt again at point C by becoming a**holes at point B. In all fairness, that was true of the single women over thirty, as well."

Bobby Slaughter
Bobby Slaughter at 11:59pm April 23
Armholes?

Russ Taylor at 4:18am April 24
Appreciate the innocence Bobby.

As I pondered this question Andrea I decided that there are as many answers to this question as there are persons. For me, I'm quite bold if I find myself attracted to a woman, but I'm not going to just lay my heart down on the train tracks of rejection either.

Because I am intuitive and perceptive and expect ... Read Morethe women I date to be so I'll usually take a more subtle, casual approach and say something to her or do something for her that indicates interest. If she's perceptive she'll pick up on it and I'll determine by her response whether there's a reason to continue or not...

Elizabeth Sizer
Elizabeth Sizer at 11:19am April 24
yes to both questions!

Andrea Kelley at 5:47pm April 24
Interesting Russ, maybe all people over thirty are bitter and punks. ha. My mom got married when she was 19. It is possible that we should all have gotten something accomplished by the end of attending college. Then when we leave the college dating farm...we spend time on the internet flirting with people residing in different states and countries... Read More. We are all DOOOOMED! I'm just kidding, well, I'm must half kidding. I think when people begin paying on a mortgage...the "being moblie" factor goes down. There has been a time where I have thought "Well, I like my house better than his house." That is dumb. If I was married by age 23, I wouldn't be having that dorky little comparison factor happening...because I wouldn't have a house. Dr. Laura is convinced that people should get married later in life. She thinks the marriages will be more solid. Well, those are my thoughts for the day.

Russ Taylor at 9:51pm April 24
There certainly must be advantages to waiting later in life, but it's those comparisons, in many areas, that we have to get over. We tend to hold onto things that aren't really important at all and if we're not careful a sense of pickiness sets in. That may just be a defensive mechanism though.

The bottom line for me is that it's best to trust... Read More God to move people into and out of our lives, and it needs to be people that we actually know and are around enough to witness their life and character. Then it's easy for the man to be the pursuer. And those are my thoughts on this fine, yet still cold, Saturday morning.

Andrea Kelley at 10:07pm April 24
You know, I think when people are in their 30's and 40's and aren't married, it is easy for them to get crabby. The reality is...often people who are married wish at times they weren't...or wish they would have picked better. At the risk of sounding like some New Aged Pollyanna weirdo...I think that there are always benefits of where we are ... Read More

currently at, in this phase of our life. For example, I remember going downstairs in my house one time and this guy looked out the window, and he said "Well, it is a crappy day outside." Generally when I see cloudy days outside, that means excellent photography weather. It means soft, diffused lighting...no harsh shadows under the eyes. On a wedding day, a bride may be praying for a cloudless day. As they photographer, I am praying for a cloudy day because it makes my life easier. Sometimes I am delighted by the fact I don't have some guy on my case about something.

Russ Taylor at 11:00pm April 24
I laughed out loud at that last sentence. For me, when I was 22 I decided there was no way I'd be married before 30. Not a chance. There was too much life to live to be settled, like mud to the bottom of a pond, as I thought in those days.

Then in my 30's I was working as a wilderness instructor with Outward Bound and others and was out in ...the wilderness for over 28 days at a time. Can you believe that girls found it difficult to date when I was gone for a month at a time? Whatever. ha. So I was still too busy traveling God's green earth and sleeping in a tent. I had a few girlfriends, and some really fun times, they were great girls, and I'm sure today they regret not sticking with me. LOL.

The thing is, I love being single, and so far I've loved being single more than I've loved the idea of being married. I like being able to up and go to the Bolivian high desert on a whim, to serve the homeless on a holiday...

Russ Taylor
Russ Taylor at 11:05pm April 24
...and to be able to travel to a war-torn country and do a documentary photography project (the next dream).

So one day along life's travels I may just meet someone whom I can't live without, and if that day comes I'll marry her, and if it doesn't then I'll just keep serving God in every way I can, love people as well as I can and wait for my old girlfriends husbands to die and marry them when I'm 70.

Bobby Slaughter at 11:15pm April 24
Praise God I wasn't married when I planned to be. Scope the divorce rate.

Chad Mefferd at 9:15am April 25
First of all no. Christian women are no more intimidating than non-Christian women and no Christian men are no more passive than non-Christian men. Christian men ARE more respectful. Having dated as a believer AND even been married as a non-believer, I can tell you that being Christian does not change a man assertiveness or a woman's "intimidating-...eness". My perception of many Christian women is this: sometimes intelligent Christian women take the notion of being pure/integrity to the point of their own detriment. I'm not saying that purity and integrity are bad things. However, when the vibe being given off in that effort is one of NOT wanting to be approached or even said "hello" to, Christian men will be respectful of that. Non-believing men, not so much. Hence the notion that Christian men are passive.

Consider Ruth and Boaz. She gave some pretty strong signals that she was interested and was a woman of great integrity. Do Christian women hide behind integrity out of fear?

Russ Taylor at 9:23am April 25
That's a great last question Chad! I've got Christian women friends who complain that there "just aren't any godly men out there," or "there just aren't any men good enough for my standards" and I start to think that very question, are you just masking fear by saying no one is good enough? Then, if that's the vibe being thrown out there, I think, arrogance is not very attractive.

Chad Mefferd at 9:23am April 25
Just something to reflect on not an accusation. These have just been my observations since becoming a Christian and participating in the dating scene since.

Chad Mefferd at 9:25am April 25
Thanks Russ. I've had this conversation with more than one man so it's good to see we're not being "passive" on this topic :)

Andrea Kelley at 3:26pm April 25
Wow, it is getting quite intellectual around here. I think I am going to go watch Napolean Dynamite..ha. Just kidding. Here is my two cents for today. Russ, if you are still reading this...you can comment when you wake up from your beauty sleep in India. I think we are all just as bunch of big chickens. When I was in high school I had a guy write ...me love letters and leave them in my locker. If I remember correctly, my locker was right next to his. Did he talk to me in school? Almost never. Did he call me on the phone when he was drinking? Yes. Did he own up to writing the letters? Not for quite a while. Now I am in my 30's. This guy fixes my cruise control for absolutely nothing. He really didn't have to do that because my car had changed ownership. I felt like I should do something nice for him (a single mechanic). So I give him photos, but get out of there ASAP after I hand him the envelope because I do NOT want him to ask me out or think I was hitting on him. We are 13 on the inside

When I entered the world, I was born prematurely, I weighed only four pounds. I had holes in my heart, and my prognosis for living was very grim. A doctor told my parents I had a five percent chance of living. If I did live, they said I would most likely be blind and retarded. My parents were Christians, and asked people to pray. Many people in different churches were praying for me. Before I was taken into surgery, the doctor checked me out one more time. It was remarkable because the doctors couldn’t find the holes in my heart…I was healed.

A doctor who was in Grand Island at the time wanted to see me for himself, because he wanted to see the “miracle baby.” I always knew from as a small child that there was a God, and that prayer could be powerful and effective.

When I was five years old, I was shopping at a bookstore with my mom. I didn’t have any money and decided to slip a little eraser that was shaped like a snowman into my pocket. I left the store with my mom. I went home and felt very, very guilty. I eventually confessed to my mom that I had stolen the eraser. She took the opportunity to tell me about how Christ had died for my sins. She said if I asked him to be my Savior, I could have eternal life. That night I prayed with my dad to receive Christ. I remember feeling like Christ had forgiven my sins and I knew I would live with Christ someday. (My mom took me back to the store and hid around the corner because she was embarassed, while I paid for the eraser and returned it.)

My faith continued to grow and after I graduated from UNK, I ended up attending a conservative Bible college in Wyoming for three years. While I was there I saw teachers who were living on missionary support, with modest homes, and modest lives investing in young people. They were not teaching in a university, with a comfortable income because their meaning in life came teaching young people about God and equipping them to serve in ministry. They believed in storing up rewards in heaven, and not so much on earth. They had found a way to find meaning in their life.

I ended up co-leading a Bible study in the Scottsbluff County Jail for three years. It was a ministry that I enjoyed. I wanted people to have a personal relationship with God, and have hope for a meaningful life. I graduated after three years from that Bible Institute. I walked away from that school knowing in my heart, the Word of God had the power to change lives.

Now, I am 32 years old. I am delighted to know God, but I think I am still in a growing process. I sometimes sit and read Ecclesiastes, where the wisest man in the world who had all the women he wanted, and had funded great building project, beautifying the world. However, he seemed to struggle with finding meaning. I think many of us would think that if we had the wisdom, power, and prestige that Solomon had, we would be happy. He had all the women he wanted, all the money he wanted, and yet he was frustrated with life and at times, found it to be empty.

There are times in my life where I think, “If I had more money, I would have less anxiety about the future.” But when I think back to my friend who had a very rich dad. I remember comparing the two dads, her rich dad and my dad who was a rancher. I remember thinking I have the best deal, because my dad loves me and not material things. Her dad would spend time watching sports on the big screen, and my dad would actually take time for me. Life is not about the acquisition of “stuff” but about loving and spending time with people.

After, I had attended Bible school for a while, a fellow student jokingly said to me “What is the meaning of life?” I automatically responded to him by saying “to glorify God.” In Colossians 1:18 it states “that in all things he [Christ] might have the preeminence. It sounds simple, but sometimes I think life really isn’t about us at all. Once we start figuring out that happiness isn’t the ultimate goal, but pleasing God is, it is then our lives will be more meaningful and fulfilling.