Andrea Kelley is taking an informal poll. Do you think Christian men are passive, or that Christian women are just plain intimidating? Comment on my status with your thoughts.
Erika Epley Thiele
The men are passive....JMHO though! :)
Heather 'Shaw' Riggleman at 1:29pm April 22
You all need to learn the art of flirting and yes men are scardy cats!
Adam Lockwood
Adam Lockwood at 1:33pm April 22
this question frightens me...
Bethany Anderson-Bennett at 2:43pm April 22
both. I know that was not an option but I really think it is both.
Devon Murray at 3:22pm April 22
I think Christian guys are just careful to be respectful and Godly around Christian women. I don't find Christian women intimidating. Maybe a little crazy when they dance in the woods while being filmed. HA! Nice video by the way!
Olivia Roby at 3:36pm April 22
lol@adam. I don't think men are passive but they do need to be more assertive. They fear rejection I am sure, but life's too short not to take a chance!
Sarah Scheimo at 3:47pm April 22
i think its a good mixture of both, and vice versa. there are passive christian women and intimidating christian men. for some reason they seem to find each other in many cases, always their opposite. i think the worst mix is an intimidating woman with a passive man though. for the man, not the woman. lol
Devon Roeder
Devon Roeder at 9:40pm April 22
What about just leaving it in God's hands? Just be friends and let things grow naturally. That is the only way I see anyone marrying their best friend, is that you are actully friends first. Any guy that does hit on a woman is only doing it because of the way she looks. Therefore, if you didn't look that way he would be talking to you. Also, if he is only talking to you because of the way you look, he is only looking for a body. Wait, what was the question?
Andrea Kelley at 11:00pm April 22
Interesting. I think the problem can be both really...the woman can be intimidating, the man can be passive. I think it is often easier for the non-Christian man to ask for a phone number. However, I think sometimes women, especially intelligent women can be intimidating to a man. I noticed that when I went to UNK, that the not-so-bright girl who ... Read Morewas pretty could glean a lot of attention from guys. It is possible that the broader question should be something like this..."Does a man find a woman of integrity really attractive?" Or is, it more about finding the "hot" woman that looks good on his arm. That would depend entirely on the man. If the man has integrity..he will be seeking his own level. If the man does not have integrity, or care about virtue all that much...he will be looking for the "hot" woman that may be intellectually challenged.
David Hof at 1:28am April 23
At the risk of sounding old, I believe age can significantly impact this discussion. What brings people together and keeps them together is more than the physical. It is intimacy, relationship, and common shared beliefs and values. Without an opportunity to explore thoughts and ideas it can be hard to connect. However this is what I believe ... Read Morebrings us together and keeps us together. It seems it takes some time to discover this though. So...for me the question is not about passiveness or intimidation, its about the opportunity to have safe meaningful conversation. I don't think we social young people to value this nearly as much as we should and so it seems often this gets left out.
Alina Oldham at 10:25am April 23
could it be that guys are scared to commit (tough economic times, not enough education, not the right time, just not ready ...) and maybe could the girls be too picky?? :)
Andrea Kelley at 8:29pm April 23
I was just reading an article about the economy. I think men were scared to commit long before AIG was losing more than $27 million dollars every hour...ha. It is an interesting thought though. I bet some girls are too picky. My dad might even lump me in that category..ha. If I am 45 and still holding out for Johnny Depp look-alike...feel free to sit me down and tell it to me straight, okay?
Alina Oldham at 9:00pm April 23
I could tell it to you straight right now ... maybe that will save you 10 years of "searching" :) ... just kidding! how are ya?
Bobby Slaughter at 9:02pm April 23
I think Christian men can lean toward passive. Most don't want to be mistaken upfront for a macho, philandering schmuck. We don't want to approach women in such a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Like, "Hi, there; I know nothing about you other than I like your hair and eyes, so I'm chatting you up in hopes that we can make out in the near future." How deep. I don't know if women perceive it that way, but I think they do.
Perhaps it's that we have a higher respect for women, and it's hard to approach someone we don't know well in any kind of romantic way for fear breaking that plane of respect somehow.
Maybe we just overthink it too much.... Read More
But how are we to differentiate ourselves from the hoards of wolves out there? Does Andrea Kelley want the cute guy to come over and offer to buy her a soda, or would she rather watch him interact with his mother and small group first?
I think some women are spiritually intimidating. Some are intimidating simply because they're physically b
Andrea Kelley at 9:09pm April 23
Alina, your humor is witty as always, and there is probably an element of truth in that. Duly noted :-) I'm good. How are you?
Bobby, you posted it...good job. I was telling Bobby he is a good writer and he needs to show it off.
Andrea Kelley
Andrea Kelley at 9:09pm April 23
Ha, oh yes...I think I need to see him interact with his mother and a small group first...ha. Just kidding.
Rebecca Parish at 10:51pm April 23
I think this is the wrong question. It assumes that there is something wrong with the guy. He is either too passive or too easily intimidated. He can't win. I think you should be asking if women are too aggressive, not too intimidating. And my answer would be "both". I heard one of those relationship gurus on Focus on the Family once saying that ... Read Moremen, in general, use passivity as a defence mechanism to avoid drama. So the question is, how much of the passivity do we bring on by our aggression and drama?
Russ Taylor at 11:56pm April 23
Andrea, I think age becomes a factor. Now that I'm in my 40's I think everyone should be married by 22. While I like to write, I'll borrow some words from Tom Robbins, in his book Skinny Legs and All, p 166, in order to answer your question.
"As for other men, the bachelors she had encountered at clubs and bars and parties (same could be said ... Read Morefor church), well, most appeared to have one thing in common: having been hurt at point A, they insured themselves against being hurt again at point C by becoming a**holes at point B. In all fairness, that was true of the single women over thirty, as well."
Bobby Slaughter
Bobby Slaughter at 11:59pm April 23
Armholes?
Russ Taylor at 4:18am April 24
Appreciate the innocence Bobby.
As I pondered this question Andrea I decided that there are as many answers to this question as there are persons. For me, I'm quite bold if I find myself attracted to a woman, but I'm not going to just lay my heart down on the train tracks of rejection either.
Because I am intuitive and perceptive and expect ... Read Morethe women I date to be so I'll usually take a more subtle, casual approach and say something to her or do something for her that indicates interest. If she's perceptive she'll pick up on it and I'll determine by her response whether there's a reason to continue or not...
Elizabeth Sizer
Elizabeth Sizer at 11:19am April 24
yes to both questions!
Andrea Kelley at 5:47pm April 24
Interesting Russ, maybe all people over thirty are bitter and punks. ha. My mom got married when she was 19. It is possible that we should all have gotten something accomplished by the end of attending college. Then when we leave the college dating farm...we spend time on the internet flirting with people residing in different states and countries... Read More. We are all DOOOOMED! I'm just kidding, well, I'm must half kidding. I think when people begin paying on a mortgage...the "being moblie" factor goes down. There has been a time where I have thought "Well, I like my house better than his house." That is dumb. If I was married by age 23, I wouldn't be having that dorky little comparison factor happening...because I wouldn't have a house. Dr. Laura is convinced that people should get married later in life. She thinks the marriages will be more solid. Well, those are my thoughts for the day.
Russ Taylor at 9:51pm April 24
There certainly must be advantages to waiting later in life, but it's those comparisons, in many areas, that we have to get over. We tend to hold onto things that aren't really important at all and if we're not careful a sense of pickiness sets in. That may just be a defensive mechanism though.
The bottom line for me is that it's best to trust... Read More God to move people into and out of our lives, and it needs to be people that we actually know and are around enough to witness their life and character. Then it's easy for the man to be the pursuer. And those are my thoughts on this fine, yet still cold, Saturday morning.
Andrea Kelley at 10:07pm April 24
You know, I think when people are in their 30's and 40's and aren't married, it is easy for them to get crabby. The reality is...often people who are married wish at times they weren't...or wish they would have picked better. At the risk of sounding like some New Aged Pollyanna weirdo...I think that there are always benefits of where we are ... Read More
currently at, in this phase of our life. For example, I remember going downstairs in my house one time and this guy looked out the window, and he said "Well, it is a crappy day outside." Generally when I see cloudy days outside, that means excellent photography weather. It means soft, diffused lighting...no harsh shadows under the eyes. On a wedding day, a bride may be praying for a cloudless day. As they photographer, I am praying for a cloudy day because it makes my life easier. Sometimes I am delighted by the fact I don't have some guy on my case about something.
Russ Taylor at 11:00pm April 24
I laughed out loud at that last sentence. For me, when I was 22 I decided there was no way I'd be married before 30. Not a chance. There was too much life to live to be settled, like mud to the bottom of a pond, as I thought in those days.
Then in my 30's I was working as a wilderness instructor with Outward Bound and others and was out in ...the wilderness for over 28 days at a time. Can you believe that girls found it difficult to date when I was gone for a month at a time? Whatever. ha. So I was still too busy traveling God's green earth and sleeping in a tent. I had a few girlfriends, and some really fun times, they were great girls, and I'm sure today they regret not sticking with me. LOL.
The thing is, I love being single, and so far I've loved being single more than I've loved the idea of being married. I like being able to up and go to the Bolivian high desert on a whim, to serve the homeless on a holiday...
Russ Taylor
Russ Taylor at 11:05pm April 24
...and to be able to travel to a war-torn country and do a documentary photography project (the next dream).
So one day along life's travels I may just meet someone whom I can't live without, and if that day comes I'll marry her, and if it doesn't then I'll just keep serving God in every way I can, love people as well as I can and wait for my old girlfriends husbands to die and marry them when I'm 70.
Bobby Slaughter at 11:15pm April 24
Praise God I wasn't married when I planned to be. Scope the divorce rate.
Chad Mefferd at 9:15am April 25
First of all no. Christian women are no more intimidating than non-Christian women and no Christian men are no more passive than non-Christian men. Christian men ARE more respectful. Having dated as a believer AND even been married as a non-believer, I can tell you that being Christian does not change a man assertiveness or a woman's "intimidating-...eness". My perception of many Christian women is this: sometimes intelligent Christian women take the notion of being pure/integrity to the point of their own detriment. I'm not saying that purity and integrity are bad things. However, when the vibe being given off in that effort is one of NOT wanting to be approached or even said "hello" to, Christian men will be respectful of that. Non-believing men, not so much. Hence the notion that Christian men are passive.
Consider Ruth and Boaz. She gave some pretty strong signals that she was interested and was a woman of great integrity. Do Christian women hide behind integrity out of fear?
Russ Taylor at 9:23am April 25
That's a great last question Chad! I've got Christian women friends who complain that there "just aren't any godly men out there," or "there just aren't any men good enough for my standards" and I start to think that very question, are you just masking fear by saying no one is good enough? Then, if that's the vibe being thrown out there, I think, arrogance is not very attractive.
Chad Mefferd at 9:23am April 25
Just something to reflect on not an accusation. These have just been my observations since becoming a Christian and participating in the dating scene since.
Chad Mefferd at 9:25am April 25
Thanks Russ. I've had this conversation with more than one man so it's good to see we're not being "passive" on this topic :)
Andrea Kelley at 3:26pm April 25
Wow, it is getting quite intellectual around here. I think I am going to go watch Napolean Dynamite..ha. Just kidding. Here is my two cents for today. Russ, if you are still reading this...you can comment when you wake up from your beauty sleep in India. I think we are all just as bunch of big chickens. When I was in high school I had a guy write ...me love letters and leave them in my locker. If I remember correctly, my locker was right next to his. Did he talk to me in school? Almost never. Did he call me on the phone when he was drinking? Yes. Did he own up to writing the letters? Not for quite a while. Now I am in my 30's. This guy fixes my cruise control for absolutely nothing. He really didn't have to do that because my car had changed ownership. I felt like I should do something nice for him (a single mechanic). So I give him photos, but get out of there ASAP after I hand him the envelope because I do NOT want him to ask me out or think I was hitting on him. We are 13 on the inside
Good dispatch and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you as your information.
Oh come on Christian men here in America are still domineering and intimidating while Christian women are so passive and submissive.
Matt says Christian women are intimidating.
Its hard to even find good Christian Men. Most of the guys that I know who are at our church and are between the ages of 24 to 35 are about 15 years old maturity wise. They all work at Subway and play videogames with every free moment that they have. How could they ever hope to make good husbands or fathers.