Women’s Biggest Mistakes On First Dates
Topic: Relationships
Author: Joann Cohen (Click on authors name for bio)
Posted: Thursday, September 29th 2011
So, you thought the date went great? You seemed to have a real connection, or so you thought, but he never called you again, what gives? There could be many reasons why he didn’t call, but most likely, you did something that he didn’t like or appreciate. So, what might it have been? As a Relationship Consultant, I constantly hear from men their biggest complaints about what women do wrong on first dates. Here are a few things that women should avoid on a first date, especially if they hope to get a second date.
Don’t be late: Over 50% of women admit that they have showed up late for a first date. Some women actually believe that being tardy is fashionable and a typical way for a woman to behave. The truth is that showing up late is a clear message to the guy that he wasn’t worth it to be on time.
Don’t talk or text on your cell: Unless your grandmother has fallen down the stairs and needs immediate medical attention, do not take a personal call during your date. The same applies to texting, as taking out your phone and typing away during your date is akin to reaching over and slapping him in the face.
Don’t be rude: In general, men do appreciate a challenge, but they still don’t want a girl who is mean. Don’t be snotty with the waiter or rude with the bartender. Don’t engage in petty activities like mocking the outfit, appearance or behavior of another patron in the establishment. Stay above it all and maintain your self-respect.
Don’t mention future contact too soon: This is one of the tougher rules to follow. You could be discussing a book or a new restaurant in town, and casually mention that you should go to the restaurant together sometime or that you could loan him your copy of a certain book. The problem with that is that you are forcing him to make a snap decision on whether he may want to see you again before he even knows you. Leave the talk of a second meeting until later.
Don’t appear emotionally unstable: This one is fairly easy to follow, or at least it should be. He is your date, not your therapist. He doesn’t want to hear about the stressed relationship you have with your sister, or the fight you are having with a co-worker. If there are issues that you absolutely must vent about, then by all means seek out a therapist, but do so before you think about any serious dating.
Don’t be too quiet, or too overbearing: There is a happy medium here, and it is easy to find if you just involve yourself in the flow of the conversation. If he asks you questions about yourself, don’t give simple one word answers. Guys are not interested in someone who is overly timid. Conversely, don’t answer every question with a 10 minute speech about your childhood.
None of these are all that hard to follow, and most likely how you want the man to treat you too. So sticking to these rules will do a lot to get that second date!
CBN.com – It is likely no surprise to you that God has wired women and men differently. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight. Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author and speaker recently wrote a fantastic book, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. In it, she recounts the surprising truths she learned about men after interviewing more than one thousand of them. Not long ago, I had the opportunity to interview Shaunti for our radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns. In our discussion, we spoke about ten things guys wish women knew about men. I think you’ll find these ten things fascinating! Even more, I believe that in understanding these issues, you’ll be equipped to lead your marriage to a better place!
1. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them, and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn’s research indicated that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.
2. A man’s anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife. When a husband becomes angry with his wife, he may not come out and say, “You’re disrespecting me!” But, there is a good likelihood that he is feeling stung by something his wife has done which he considers disrespectful and humiliating.
3. Men are insecure. Men are afraid that they aren’t cutting it in life -- not just at work, but at home, in their role as a husband. They may never vocalize this, but inwardly, they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Affirmation. To men, affirmation from their wives is everything! If they don’t receive this affirmation from their wives, they’ll seek it elsewhere. When they receive regular and genuine affirmation from their wives (not flattery, by the way), they become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.
4. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family. Intellectually, it doesn’t matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It’s not a burden they’ve chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement, and support.
5. Men want more sex. Everyone’s natural response to this is probably, “Duh!” But, that response is probably for the wrong reason. We primarily assume that men want more sex with their wives due to their physical wiring (their “needs”). But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn’s research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Men simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired.
6. Sex means more than sex. When men feel their wives desire them sexually, it has a profound effect on the rest of their lives. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. The flipside of this coin also carries a profoundly negative affect. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider, and man. This is why making sex a priority in marriage is so incredibly important!
7. Men struggle with visual temptation. This means the vast majority of men respond to visual images when it comes to women. And, this doesn’t just mean the guys with wandering eyes. Even the most godly husband cannot avoid noticing a woman who dresses in a way that draws attention to her body. Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of “visual rolodex” that will reappear without any warning. Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can’t control when these images appear.
8. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn’t mean that they want to be that way! Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands’ confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like. For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it’s likely that he’s asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What’s not romantic about that?
9. Men care about their wife’s appearance. This isn’t saying that all men want their wives to look like the latest supermodel. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves (and not letting themselves go) because it matters to them (the husbands!). Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make to maintain their attractiveness.
10. Men want their wives to know how much they love them. This was the number one response of men. Men aren’t confident in their ability to express this, but they love their wives dearly. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact.
One of the talk show hosts named Dreama was talking about how Mark Twain had a quote about eating a frog. Here is the quote:
“If you eat a frog first thing in the morning, the rest of your day will be wonderful.” -Mark Twain
Basically, the quote is talking about procrastinating. Do the thing you are procrastinating on (eat your frog), and if that is the worst thing that happens to you that day, then your day wasn't really that bad.
I thought that was a great way to frame those dreaded tasks. I started thinking about "What frogs do I need to eat today?" Then at the end of the day, I would think about the frogs I did eat and how it was great to have that "off my plate." I have been thinking about how much freer each of us would feel if we did get that dreaded task done within the first two hours of our day. Then we wouldn't be thinking about the task all day. So, I am committed to eating more frogs, and reaping the rewards of finishing up those difficult projects.
Nebraska Art
Etsy
Popular Posts
-
Okay, so I posted a question on my facebook status and the responses were interesting. I found it intriguing what was actually going on in v...
-
My sister, Kimberly and I dressed up for the "Black and White Ball" in Crested Butte, Colorado this summer.
-
Last night I spent time with my missionary friends from Brazil. They are precious people. They also gave me a lot of tea to drink. I decided...
-
Here is an article that I found online that I thought was interesting... Women’s Biggest Mistakes On First Dates Topic: Relationships Author...
-
For those of you who missed the post below, this blog is no longer active. Feel free to visit me at my new blog: http://www.andrea-kelley.com./
-
I have a photo in my current exhibit that shows a little square house in a pasture. I lived in the country on a cattle ranch when I was a ki...
-
Ladies and Gentleman, I have two blogs and feel too busy to maintain them both. I consider this my "informal" humerous blog. I am ...
Favorite topics: fine art, theology, fun photos
Search
© Copyright Nebraska Sky. All rights reserved.
Designed by FTL Wordpress Themes | Bloggerized by FalconHive.com
brought to you by Smashing Magazine