So, in my wide awake state, I grabbed a book. It was a book written by Steven Arterburn. It said that a woman's greatest fear was abandonment. That is true. I remember one time a guy was emailing me and it just seemed like he would be right there by your side, being your friend. He would say the kindest things, and to be quite honest, I couldn't get that man out of my mind. He said everything a woman wanted to hear. It just seemed like he was offering kindness and loyalty. It was wonderful.
The book also said that a man's greatest fear was of being "bound or tied down." Which, in this modern era where both people typically work, I thought that seemed a bit odd. One time, a guy told me that he wanted to be with someone, because he was so "tired." He explained that if you had someone, there was a division of labor. Which was funny, because in my mind, whenever there is more people in the house, it means more work. I was a housekeeper for three years. More people means more laundry, more picking up, and more responsibility. So, "hooking up" for me just means more work...but it is a good thing, because you will be with a good friend.
The way I look at it, is when a man marries a woman, he gets the following things: a free housekeeper, gets to do the wild monkey dance (aka have "relations" without a big long pursuit on the weekends), and warm meals. The man just has to mow the lawn and take out the trash. He also gets help with the mortgage. The woman gets to do more work. So, the idea of a man being "bound" means he gets a free slave and lover.
I looked at my roommate one day when she was cooking in the kitchen and I said "Would you marry me?" She gave me a "Okay Crazy Lady" look and I thought it was funny. Women are workers. If a man marries a women, he gets things more comfortable.
Maybe my perspective is totally naive. I don't know. It is possible. But when a man commits to a woman and the woman isn't quick to pop out five children, and become a lazy nag...he is living pretty well.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I posted this on a Christian dating site, and Sheila graciously allowed me to post her response on my blog:
Hi there,
I just had to reply to your post, after years of arguing a bout housekeeping with my husband and me doing it all.. I hired a housekeeper, the way I saw it was this, if I stayed home and cleaned you would have no money, so I work and part of my money is going to pay for a housekeeper unless you would like to share in those duties.
I think many marriages would be much happier if before marriage it was agreed upon that if the lady is working full time then a house keeper is part of the budget.
I was much happier and now my week-ends were spent like his, doing more of what I wanted to do..
Beside you ever notice in the OT, they all had maids!!
Be blessed,
Sheila
Ok, I had to comment on this :) I've only been married two years it's true, but I still have a few insights.
First of all...he doesn't get a housekeeper for free lol. I have a job now, but I didn't for about a year, and he was the sole breadwinner and was supporting me and the things I wanted. Having a wife is expensive! lol. I did cook and clean and pay the bills, but he worked from 7-5 at a usually boring job that gave him little satisfaction, and only had the weekends to do the things he wanted. I didn't realize how morally discouraging it is for him not to feel proud of his work. I'm working now and it's a bit harder to find the time and energy to do the cleaning, but I have a greater appreciation for his position now, and I'm realizing how spoiled I was to get to stay home all day and do whatever I wanted.
He also does part of the housekeeping now and is very gracious about it. I asked him recently what his favorite part of being married was, and he kind of surprised me by saying it was having a partner, someone who had your back and made life a little easier.
He explained it better than that, but it still got me thinking. He's in a harsh environment all day long, five days a week. What can I do as his wife to make his home a safe and restful environment? Even now that I'm working I take the time to make his lunch to take with, cook him dinner when I get home, keep his clothes clean and the dishes washed. the house doesn't have to be spotless, but I do want it to be a place he can be proud to call home and feel comfortable when he does get to be at home.
Sorry, super long comment lol, but I feel like he's not the only one getting a lot out of this marriage, and I feel so blessed and thought I'd share :)